Dooce on bootylicious plastic premarital sex:

I remember the first time I undressed Malibu Barbie and made her sleep with Donny Osmond Barbie. I never owned a proper Ken doll, and although I knew Malibu Barbie would never have chosen to sleep with Donny, the supreme virginal archetype of all Mormondom, I didn't have many options.

Surprisingly, it never even occurred to me that Malibu Barbie could sleep with another girl Barbie and have fantastic plastic lesbian sex. But I was only eight years old, and girls my age had nothing comparable to a Britney Spears Barbie. Had I owned a Britney Spears Barbie, all of my other Barbies would have been lesbian Barbies.