Somebody noted that the LOTR is said to be a boy's adventure tome. Even Arwen, the Liv Tyler character's role in the Peter Jackson movie has been rewritten in such a way to expand exposure, character, and possibly to provide a romantic interest for I-am-still-not-king Aragorn. With that in mind, some people came up with The Very Secret Diaries of the Fellowship of the Ring. All the homoerotic tension going on have been voiced: Legolas is an airhead, but a very pretty one. And there's also some hobbit fetishes thrown in. Very funny, yeah.

The Editing Room has quite a different version of things altogether. I hereby present you with Lord of the Rings: The Abridged Script:

FADE IN:

INT. DIRECTOR PETER JACKSON'S HOME

DIRECTOR PETER JACKSON sits, on the phone with a
POWERFUL FILM EXECUTIVE.

DIRECTOR PETER JACKSON
So, I was tossing this idea around.
Maybe I should make films out of
the Lord of the Rings tril--

RABID FANS OF THE BOOKS
(breaking down the door)
LORD OF THE RINGS?!?!?! Finally! A
well-done, realistic, immersive
film version of the best trilogy of
overly long books ever!

DIRECTOR PETER JACKSON
Well, I was just thinking abo--

RABID FANS OF THE BOOKS
You know who would make an awesome
Gandalf? Ian McKellen!

DIRECTOR PETER JACKSON
Uh, yeah, well, that's a good idea,
I gue-

RABID FANS OF THE BOOKS
Oh, I can't wait! I'm going to
generate an ungodly amount of hype
for this movie for the next few
years! I'm sure you won't
disappoint us!

DIRECTOR PETER JACKSON gulps nervously.

DIRECTOR PETER JACKSON
(twitching)
Wow, I feel a lot of pressure. How
can I possibly create a film as
good as any book in the wonderful
Lord of the Rings trilogy? What am
I going to do?

DIRECTOR PETER JACKSON proceeds to sit down with the
trilogy and translate each page into screenplay format,
word by word.

DIRECTOR PETER JACKSON (CONT'D)
Yes! I will make the most loyal
movie based on a book in the
history of the cinema! Nobody will
be able to say the book was better
then! Ha ha ha!


More parallel universes: There is also a hypothetical, what if Kevin Smith directs the Council of Elrond. Jay and Silent Bob and all the usual suspects will be the fellowship, with lots of weed and fart jokes, and maybe an Alanis Morissette cameo thrown in. Think of it as Dogma in Middle Earth.