Monday, July 19

Dear Julia Stiles 2

Your movie, The Prince & Me, royally sucked.
I had prepared a more than articulate piece about it, but blogger being blogger, royally screwed me by eating up my post. So I am left with crude remarks about how Martha Coolidge and you can never really hack a pa-romantic comedy/fairy tale sort of thing. You're both too serious about it. She has too much feminist blah in her head, as what you would expect from someone who directed Introducing Dorothy Dandridge and the teary 1972 segment of If These Walls Could Talk 2.
You, on the other hand, have been typecast as the earnest young woman who does Shakespeare remakes (1o Things I Hate About You and O) and also with strong feminist ideals (like, uh, Mona Lisa Smile?). I understand that you want gender equality and girl power for all, but please, if you are planning to encroach on Mandy Moore territory, it would be better to park your happy ending hating konsensiya outside the theater door. You do not know how to make your viewers kilig, and kilig is a very important factor in a movie like this. Oh, I know you had in jokes thrown in, like that bit about making out with the prince of Denmark. Oh no,  a  Shakespeare remake in disguise. Something rotten indeed!  If you can't even handle a one liner moment like "Hey you didn't tell me you still live with your parents," then maybe you should stay in London for that West End gig of yours.
If the plan was to make everyone in the theater gloomy, then you should have said so. I preferred the arrows flying and ass kicking that King Arthur promised, and I originally wanted to watch Mean Girls. Not this. But as luck would have it, I ended up watching your movie instead. I wanted to give you a chance. That you could still be a chick you can make people kilig. But well, your movie sucked. Really. Please don't do costume pictures/fairy tales/Shakespeare remakes anymore. Otherwise, you'll end up just like Claire Danes. Now that would even be suckier, if there's such a thing.
PS. If it weren't for the trailer of Honey and Bangkok Haunted 2: The Unborn ("From an urban legend that became the talk of the town!"), I would have walked right out. But that still doesn't clear you. Your movie still sucked.

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