Falling in love is a time consuming thing

"First, there is the time spent with the person, talking and laughing and tracing the perimeter of his hand with my finger. And since the person happens to live in another city, there is the time spent wishing I were with the person and the time talking to friends about the person, telling the same story 10 different ways, and then there is the time spent on the phone with the person and writing emails longer than most magazine articles. I have to plan my weekends carefully. I have to reconsider my underwear. I have to puzzle over how to sign my correspondence. “With love”? “Yours”? Am I his? And do I want to be? I have to worry about the person meeting my friends. I have to worry about the person meeting my family and me meeting his family and our families meeting each other, which hasn’t happened and maybe never will and I’m galloping into the future again I gotta stop that. I have to worry about the person’s past, which I can only take his word for, and I have to pretend like no, no I’m not worried about your past at all, it's in the past, right? It’s all so exhausting that I have to go out and get drunk and then I have to of course call the person I’m falling in love with because now I’m drunk, and then say dumb, rambly things because well, I’m drunk and then wake up regretting it all and wondering if the person I’m falling in love with has discovered, as I blathered to him drunkenly, my true and twisted self which he will no doubt cast aside so I have to kick the sheets at 5am, resolved to end it all, and then wake up hours later wondering what on earth I was thinking, wanting to break up with someone I am falling in love with. I have to realize that, while being a nice and caring and well-meaning individual, I am also a bit of a maniac."

*sigh*